To Not Forgive

To Not Forgive“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” (Anne Lamott) This little quote from our pastor, Wes Olds, at Grace Church in Cape Coral Florida, would make a huge impact on my life.I had been the unwilling partner in a divorce, (after nineteen years of marriage), that was all of six months old. By listening to my little voice inside, probably put there in part, by my parents, and completed by my Baptist upbringing, I knew that I needed some spiritual guidance. I also needed to surround myself with people, other than the "good time Charlies", and the party girls you see out there at the dance halls and bars on Sat nights. The old Tammy Wynette perfect woman vision of, "Stand By Your Man", and Charlie Pride's, “Kiss an Angel Good Morning and Love Her Like the Devil When You Get Back Home”, was all the roadmap I needed to show me exactly what I wanted and needed.....music is poetry you know.I had been using a dating site called Tagged, after exhausting Myspace and the local Meetup groups....searching for that potential “Angel” that would qualify for me to even want to "kiss them in the morning", much less the rest of the song.I had pretty much refined my search to the exact size, shape, and proximity, as well as the age of this “Angel”.......little did I know all this careful, scientific, "exacta mongo" planning, was a total waste of time!Out of no-where, it seems, I get a message from a girl in, of all places.....Arkansas! I had placed the quote I had heard Pastor Wes say, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die”, as the theme for my profile on Tagged. Who would have thought--(or thunk it, as they say in Arkansas lingo), that a very lonely, pretty, intelligent, and sweet girl born, in Texas and living in Van Buren Arkansas, would read it and think that I "must be", a kind, compassionate, caring, and sensitive person.....just because of that quote on my Tagged profile!Welllllll I’m not saying I am, or was, or even ever wanted to be any, or all of those things, but....it sure did make for an interesting concept!As I looked at her profile to determine if I wanted to respond to her "Blaintly Foreward" behavior (like responding back to me).....several issues immediately came to my attention and ringing the "gong bell"....*Number one---- the proximity to Southwest Florida...not in the model I had in mind.*Number two-----she was within two months of the same age as me, again, not in the model.*Number three-----her hair was short and spiky.....WHOA, definitely NOT in the model!However, as I talked to her on the phone, I knew I could listen to "that voice" forever.The more we talked, the more we found more and more parallels that we shared. One funny thing.....we both are pretty conservative and when we were talking one day, I said, "Well it sure looks like in religion and politics we are parallel", she misunderstood and said in a shocked voice, “so does that mean you are really voting for Obama then?” I had to explain to her that "parallel" means agreeing....going the same direction....maybe that is when I fell in love with her?!It seems pretty fitting that the preacher who quoted the phrase that brought us together, Pastor Wes, was the one who married us. We have been through a lot of "ups and downs" with the transition of our marraige and making a new life together....the packing and moving....then the unpacking and setting up house.....families.....grandkids.....the process of learning and adjusting to each other's ways.....but it's all been worth it. And now I have a new quote......one which I heard in Costa Rica while I was on a mission trip....a "Tico Pastor" (a Costa Rican), at a little Methodist church, quoted Martin Luther.....he said,"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess. The older I get, the more I am finding these words to be so very true.